Author: JB Baughman

Quiet Dreams

I can remember as a young child pondering in my mind if God created me to be a nun.

I’m not Catholic but I’ve always admired the life of nuns and monks (I’m not Buddhist either).

I’ve always been drawn to the slower life.

In my profession I see the extreme hurt so many carry. The scars of the world are real and deep. It is a privilege and honor to bear witness to those scars and to help others on their journey of healing.

The work can feel heavy.

And so, perhaps, my dream of starting a solitude retreat feels more needed with each passing day.

I am dreaming and longing of land, next to nothing but God’s country. Dreaming of a few yurts and THE121 where you can simply come.

In silence or in longing.

To talk or not.

Several times in my life, I have had the immense privilege of attending solitude retreats at a local convent. Each time, my visits have been truly impactful towards my walk.

I imagine a day where I could give that gift back to others. To those who are hurting, weary, tired and worn out.

To those who have been carrying more weight than one is meant to bare.

I can imagine a greeting of tea and a warm bed. Perhaps even a crazy cockapoo who may or may not be sleeping.

These are the longings of a tiny house girl who dreams of living an even simpler life and maybe…perhaps, inviting you into that life, even if it’s only for a moment or two.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

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It came and went…

I laid down to bed, thankful for another day. As now has become my routine,

I pat my pouch

my Ostomy pouch, that is…(I know I have a stomach pouch and I’m working on that too!)

I try to gauge how long I have until it needs emptied.

Tonight as I patted my pouch, I pondered to myself how long this has been my life.

Or how short.

6 months.

2 days ago, 6 months came and went.

It’s almost normal now.

How has it been?

While life will never be normal.

I have adjusted to my normal.

I have a little inquisitive 3 year old friend whom I adore. Today at church while we waited for a meeting she began asking many normal 3 year old questions.

What’s in your purse?

Why do you have a bag in your purse?

What’s in the bag?

Can I see?

So piece by piece I opened my ostomy “emergency pack” and we discussed each piece. Including the extra underwear.

I explained that it was “kind of like my diaper bag.”

My. New. Normal.

Was it normal for two people to dissect an Ostomy supply bag in the chairs of the church?

For us. Today. It was.

My ostomy has given me my weekends back. I’m no longer living in the bathroom each weekend emptying my colon.

My ostomy has taken away pain that once knew my name.

It has given me some tiredness and new rhythms.

Overall, I am so incredibly grateful.

Today I celebrate.

6 months and 2 days.

God gives good gifts even when they aren’t wrapped like we would expect them to be.

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The Good & The Bad

Thanks for journeying with me. What a journey 2026 has been so far!

If you’ve been journeying with me, you know that in the middle of January I had a pipe burst and have been without water ever since.

In my last post I wrote about how each day I’ve been without water, the Lord showed me that HE had indeed, provided water. I just needed to go outside and scoop it up.

Which leads to this weekend…

The Bad News:

Another leak.

The Good News:

Friends who showed up. Friends who sacrificed several hours of their weekend to help this tiny house girl with a super basic need: water. They were able to repair the initial break and patch the secondary

DRUM ROLL PLEASE….

This amazingly glorious liquid poured forth from my faucet yesterday! Which also means the melting snow IS filling my tank!

I may or may not have sent a video to a select few of me singing the Hallelujah Chorus…!

If you’ve spent any time here or with me, you know I’m passionate about one word “REMEMBER.”

In Exodus, God said to Moses & Aaron

“Get a jar and fill it with two quarts of manna. Then put it in a sacred place before the Lord to preserve it for all future generations.””
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭16‬:‭33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

While we clearly don’t live under the law, there are so many Old Testament principles that serve as beautiful Reminders.

And so…

This morning I found a jar and poured in the remaining melted snow I had reserved and marked the top

Manna 2026

I set the jar in a place reserved for the things I need to Remember

When you come to visit THE121, you can ask,

“What’s with the jar of water?”

And I will say

“It’s the manna God provided.”

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Manna for today

If you’ve listened to K-Love radio lately, you’ve heard Annie F. Downs quote her pastor, “God hasn’t forgotten the recipe for Manna.”

I’ve been pondering that a lot lately as I just finished reading Exodus.

Shortly after reading about God providing manna for the Israelites, I sat on my couch and was complaining to God.

“God please give me water.”

“God, did you bring me to tiny house living to allow me to fail?”

I was in full complaint mode.

And then…

I lifted my head and looked out onto Teaberry Acres…

“I’ve given you 2 acres of manna….”

Sure enough. 2 acres of all the water I could need.

And so each morning, I collect enough for the day.

I thank God for the VERY TANGIBLE reminder that HE has given me what I need for today.

I believe fully that when the “manna” melts, the rain will begin.

Today Manna also showed up in the form of friends coming to replace the pipes…more on that in another post.

Today we focus on the manna.

He had given us what we need, for today.

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When words run short..

I’ve been silent lately because truly words have fallen short.

My last post was on Jan. 26. Two days before that was when my pipe burst…20 days ago. For 20 days, THE121 has sat dry. Here in the mountains of Pennsylvania, the winter has been BRUTAL. Temps well below average including multiple days of negatives…

I sat with some friends last week with tears streaming down my face.

I. Am. Tired.

Literal survival mode had taken its toll.

The next morning a text came through from a good friend.

A warm house, family away. Come.

I took the gift.

Gratitude.

So I’ve been able to rest this week away. To regain my strength.

Please pray with me as friends come on Saturday with the hopes of fixing the broken pipe in warmer temperatures.

During the sitting with friends, our task was to write a name of God and pray around that name for our situation.

The name I wrote down was

El Roi

The God who sees.

He has indeed seen me. My distress. My discomfort. My cries.

He has seen me. I have seen Him.

Such a loving and gracious Father in the midst of one of the hardest times at THE121.

Tucked in tight enjoying the gift of a warm home with water 💧.
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A little drama at THE121

Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

Saturday morning I woke up to start my generator (like always) and NOTHING. No start.

No start =‘s no power (off grid living).

I phoned my amazing neighbor who suggested I bring it inside to let it warm up.

I hauled my 100+ pound generator from the back 40, up my stairs and into THE121.

After a conversation with the Lord, I hauled the generator back down the stairs, back to its outside dwelling and sure enough…she started!

I had been wanting to make a shelter for the generator for some time and figured with the storm coming, Saturday was THE DAY.

I have a friend who says “before you go shopping for supplies, shop at home first.” Brilliant quote.

I remembered that I had some leftover 2 inch foam board under my house and some leftover insulation tape. I pulled it out and got to work.

Beautiful? No.

Worked? Yes!

As I was putting the left over foam board under my house, I noticed some water dripping.

Water dripping UNDER THE HOUSE!

I inhaled deeply.

Exhaled deeply.

Sure enough…I opened my intake box and a water pipe had broken.

I phoned my generator guy who is also my plumbing guy. He arrived very quickly. I HIGHLY recommend him. I told him, I felt like I was hemorrhaging and he was there to save my life.

Long story short. There was no save.

On Saturday afternoon my 500 gallon water supply was emptied on Teaberry acres.

Of course, here in my neck of the woods it’s been single digits and lower. Fixes like this, can’t happen on a tiny house until the weather is above freezing.

And so…where does this leave this tiny house girl?

Grateful.

Grateful that my generator “just happened” to not start Saturday morning. I have ZERO doubt that I would not have been under the house had I not been building a snow shelter for my generator.

I am grateful that the water went outside not INSIDE my house.

I am grateful we got 13 inches of snow because now I have a LOT of water supply right out my front door!

When will I get running water back?

Only God knows that answer.

Until then…

You’ll find me collecting snow and boiling it 🙂

Disclaimer: MANY kind friends have offered shelter and showers. I truly am Ok!

Stay tuned for more stories and adventures which may or may not include several men at a hardware store and one tiny house girl…

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But…

Have you ever heard that if you speak a sentence and then add the word “But,” it negates everything that comes before the word?

I would let you know this has been my week…

Wednesday I woke up to frozen pipes…

BUT GOD.

Thursday I took another trip to Danville as my GI tract continues to struggle…

BUT GOD.

This morning, I woke up to no power and a frozen generator

BUT GOD.

I could be tempted to despair. I am tempted to complain.

BUT GOD!

Each and every day, He has allowed my nervous system to reset to the point where I could sit with Him and ask him two questions

1.) What do you want me to do about this?

2.) What do you want me to KNOW about you in this?

I am so tempted so often to panic and think that it all depends on me.

God wants me to know that it all depends on HIM!

Each time something has gone awry at THE121 this week, God has told me what to do and He has revealed himself as El Ro’i – The God who sees.

While it may sometimes feel like I am all alone at THE121 at Teaberry Acres. God has used this house and this land to teach me that I am not. That HE IS HERE.

So I do not fear the impending storm. I do not fear the cold.

Because God is in control and so much more powerful.

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37 Days

Without hot water.

Yes, you read that right.

Living tiny isn’t always luxurious. Most of us don’t go tiny to live a cushy life. Although, I would advocate that my chores are far less than the average house size.

That’s a post for another day.

My supervisor laughingly told me that she wouldn’t be seen without a hot shower, to which I responded, working from home has its perks! (Insert, no sniff feature on zoom!)

Also, living tiny has taught me how to conserve water, so fast showers have been my norm.

I just didn’t realize that EXTRA FAST would be my new norm for 37 days.

How does one lose hot water when they live tiny?

Great question.

THE121 has a tankless water heater run by propane. There are just a few settings to adjust depending on outside temperature (i.e. summer/winter or somewhere in between).

I can also adjust the flow of the water. Somewhere… in some class, I am sure that there was some sort of lesson about flow rate to heat rate…

Nonetheless the flow rate was too much to keep up with the heart rate and cold winters equals …equally as cold water.

To be honest, starting a new job, navigating my new body and the holidays…I hate to say it but the hot water wasn’t a priority!

Once things calmed down (and to the urging of my supervisor), I did decide it was time to phone a friend. I also thought (there has to be something I am missing!). I sat on the couch and prayed.

What am I missing Lord?

FLOW RATE!

With one turn of the knob…the hot water was back.

Yep. That’s all it took.

Really what mattered was that I quieted my heart and the Father told me what to do next.

How often I let the noise crowd out the one voice that matters most.

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Home Alone vibes

I was at a gathering a few weeks ago where I asked my friend, who runs an ER, if I was less likely to get sick now that I’m working from home.

He chuckled a bit and told me that I may be MORE prone to sickness now that I’m working from home because I’m not exposed as much.

Gee. Thanks.

Well don’t ya know…

He. Was. Right.

Remember the Christmas gathering last week?

Dang COVID.

I was fighting it hard until it began to fight me.

Mags and I have both been down for the count.

What does one do when one is single and runs out of food?

I decided I had enough energy to drive to the local corner grocery store to get some bread and eggs.

I NEXT to NEVER shop at said grocery store because the prices are sky high (welcome to living out in the wilderness) because they KNOW you need said items.

As I sanitized my cart and tried to get my bearings, I chuckled to myself. Turns out I was the ONLY female amongst a scattering of burly men wearing their flannel and carrying their shopping lists scribbled down by their presumed wife.

I suddenly felt at ease knowing that we were all lost.

As I navigated the produce section and spun around the chicken legs that appeared to have been there for a hot month or two…I came to my senses and realized I was neither there for produce or extra fried chicken.

I limped past the range of mountain men to the frozen food section, it’s all I could think to get to sustain life for the next few days.

After I found some microwave meals, I threw in some bread and eggs because…well…life.

As I fumbled through the last few isles I noticed the Pom Pom on my hat was bouncing up and down knocking on my head. I then looked into my cart and chuckled…

I was SUPER tempted to find a tooth brush, hand it to the cashier (no self check out in the wilderness grocery store) and ask the cashier if it was approved by the ADA.

Happy to report no mountain men followed me home….that day.

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Please park…

WARNING: ‼️

GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW

I received and email recently that sent my anxiety way higher than it should have.

The email went something like this..

“If you are able please park in the overflow parking to allow room for our guests.”

The email truly could not have been any nicer. The problem in my mind was two fold:

1.) the overflow parking is a couple blocks away

2.) the words “if you are able”

How exactly does one decide if they are able?

This was the conundrum in my brain.

At this very moment. I may be. However, in a few moments, I may not be.

And this my friends, is what my new disability has caused.

If you’re being 100% honest with yourself, have you ever seen someone park in a handicap spot, get out and seemingly look completely….fine?

I have.

I have judged.

100%

Hence my conundrum.

What if…I’m not able?

What if…my bag explodes and I need to make a quick escape?

What if…I get sick and can’t walk to my vehicle?

What if….

What if…I appear able but I’m really not?

I made the decision.

The anxiety wasn’t worth the walk. I am not able.

I wanted to be able. But this is not my reality.

Disability doesn’t always equal visibility.

Exhibit A

My apologies if this picture is disgusting. This is the shirt I was wearing under my sweater to the event I was serving at…with the email.

About half way through said event, I began to be sick. I’ll spare you the details, however I did indeed need to make the quick exit due to unforeseen circumstances.

I prayed and prayed the entire drive home, with the windows down as I was heaving and trying to be safe.

I don’t have the ability to vomit and we all know I don’t have a colon. So what happens?

Exhibit A happens.

Did anyone notice 💩 flying out of my abdomen at the event?

I have no idea.

What do I know?

If I can, in whatever way I can, help just one person reframe what ability is and isn’t. I’m here for it.

I use to be that person. The one who use to judge. God forgive me.

If you’ve journeyed with me, you know He is in the business of growing me.

May we all remember disability doesn’t necessarily mean visibility.

Invisible disabilities DO exist.

Some days mine gets the better of me. Praise God, He is sanctifying me.

I also thank God for my cute cockapoo who stays by my side through all my sicknesses.

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