I’m currently sitting in a sterile dr’s office that appears to be stuck in an era before I was born.
The dr’s voices outside, the crumbling of the strange tissue paper substance being pulled off of the exam table along with the rumbling of the hvac system is activating my nervous system.
BREATHE.
As I take time to reflect, be present and look ahead to what is to come, I can only describe my feelings with one word.
TRUST.
I had the great privilege last night of hosting my community group at Teaberry Acres. As I was processing what I am feeling, the visual that comes to my mind is that of a trust fall.
If you’ve ever been to camp or have participated in a “team building” exercise, you may already know the visual.
One participant stands on top of a table with their arms folded across their chest and their back facing a team standing on the ground. A few people stand on one side with their arms outstretched, while a few people stand on the other side the same. The object is that the person standing on the table falls backwards “trusting” that the people with the outstretched arms will “catch” their fall.
I did it once when I was in high school. Haven’t done it since for obvious reasons. NOTHING about the experience was enjoyable.
Somewhere, I hear the voice of my camp counselor in my head saying “but did you Die?”
I may or may not have said back “no you idiot, go buy glasses.”
I can neither confirm nor deny.
As I look ahead, I look back and remember.
God CAN be trusted.
He has ALWAYS held me.
He has ALWAYS caught me.
BREATHE.
I feel like I’m on the edge. Ready to fall while remembering it’s not the scrawny high school girls who are going to catch my fall, but the loving arms of my Father.
And just for funsies, enjoy some amazing pics that my friend Nicole took last night of God’s beautiful creation @ Teaberry Acres.
Dusk is one of my favorite times of the day at the acres. The night sky through the woodsThe heavens declare His majesty. And of course the cutest dog who made herself a a home in the ferns to stay cool.
I can remember the day as if it just happened. I barely slept a wink. I hopped in my truck and greeted my friends around 6am at Teaberry Acres.
The anticipation spread through my muscles like the weight of several sumo wrestlers.
THE121 was making her maiden voyage from Holmes County Ohio. She had left at midnight and would be making her arrival to PA at dawn.
Even now, as I recall the adventure, my muscles tighten and my lips form a smile.
I will still tell you, that to this day, her arrival to her landing, was still the most harrowing 2 hours of my entire life.
On August 12, 2022 at 6am, she arrived.
It’s hard to believe it has been 3 years of God’s unending faithfulness.
The prayer that was prayed over this house on that day 3 years ago was that this house would be a place of healing.
Driving to another sight this morning for work, I had time to reflect all the ways that God has answered that prayer.
The solace and quiet that teaberry acres provides, has allowed ample opportunity for healing in the following ways:
Physically: 4 surgeries and a 5th on the horizon, THE121 has held my physical body and provided shelter and space to heal this God given broken body. She has also helped to heal my wounded nervous system. I remember the day I came home to a house flooded with my complete water reserve. Friends showed up within minutes, helping me to reframe that I am not alone.
Spiritually: The peace filled acres with God’s creation at every single angle of the eye is a constant reminder that God is here. He has quieted my Spirit to help me begin to heal from countless years of Spiritual abuse and trauma. He is helping me to reframe that He is a loving and gracious creator, Father, friend, caretaker and guide.
Mentally: He has helped me to heal mentally by surrounding me with so much that thrills my soul. The woods, the animals, the birds, my new “Croft” He is helping me to know and learn that I am valuable. That I am worth investing in.
Emotionally: He has awakened my soul to the countless emotions He has created me to feel. My first year here at THE121 I spent the entire year studying emotions in Scripture. God has created us in His image, what amazing creatures we are with alllllll the emotions.
So cue the confetti! Happy 3rd Birthday to THE121 @ Teaberry Acres. May this house continue to be a house of healing for not just this tiny house girl, but all who enter therein.
Her eyes were kind. Her long shoulder length hair interspersed with salt and pepper. The creases around her eyes showed the years of compassion she has poured out on many souls like mine, who sat across from her, our own furrowed brow.
My hands slid up and down the leggings on my thighs, remembering that I am human. My body heavy in the chair.
The kind eyed lady pulled out some crinkly material from her scrub pocket and laid them on the counter.
How about we start here.
Sure.
I nodded with trepidation.
She explained the crinkly pouches.
You’ll wake up with this one.
Sure.
She then pulled out of her other scrub pocket what she called “her Bible.”
Somehow, the worn pages gave me comfort. It signified she used it often.
When you wake up, when I come to see you, we can use this.
Trial and error.
Her “Bible” was a catalog of supplies.
Sure.
I was doing “ok” until she reached for the marker in front of her.
Sit natural.
In my mind, I was rifling through the Rolodex to find where “natural” fit into the terminology of having a hole cut into my abdomen to pull my small intestine through it.
I couldn’t find it.
Stand up.
Lay down.
Sit. Up.
I think that looks good.
That feels right.
The circle.
With just a few moves of my tired body, the circle signified the spot.
As I sit cross cross apple sauce writing my thoughts from my day, I feel my body. I honor my body. I honor the God given broken body that is mine.
I wonder if I’ll be able to ever sit like this again.
I cling to my Jesus.
I mourn what was.
I wonder what will be.
I honor the kind eyed nurse who had compassion on this trepidatious girl.
Life can feel a lot like a roller coaster. I don’t love that analogy, mostly because my love of roller coasters has been squashed after digestive tract surgery (I’ll leave the visual up to you…).
Currently I feel like the up tik waiting to cress the first hill. Yesterday marked the 1 month until… mark.
You can imagine the “things” that need to get done. Remember the tiny house hoarder post? In my own mind, there were “things” I wanted to do to get ready. “Things” I think I need or want.
Unbeknownst to me, last night started the purge of me.
The creature of habit I am, I turned on my computer to watch some mindless show to fall asleep when suddenly it wouldn’t turn on…no computer.
Fine.
Today on my way to an onsite visit for work, my gracious co-worker texted me (whilst I was going 60 mph) to notify me that my back tire was “wobbling.”
Fine.
My amazing mechanic met me on site but sadly it couldn’t be fixed on site.
It’ll take a day.
That’s when my spirit said “not fine.”
I was “trying” to stockpile my PTO for surgery.
God has other plans.
With my 4 way flashers on, I prayed my way to my mechanics. Pulling over every so often to let the parade of cars pass me by (I waved politely to their middle fingers).
In my ballet flats with my work bag flung over my shoulder, I began to grumble as I began walking home.
And then…without warning…I heard the Spirit say…
I rounded the corner and crested the drive of Teaberry Acres and looked up to the sun peaking through the tall trees.
My blistered little toe rubbed against my new ballet flats as the gravel crunched beneath my feet.
What did I see?
Packages resting against the front door of THE121.
Packages from you, amazing readers, my friends. Who have blessed me more than I can express!!!
The Lord has a way of stripping us so that we can see Him more clearly. It feels like a lot of stripping of me lately.
The surgery post was probably one of the most vulnerable posts I have posted in a long time. I fought the Spirit hard on that post. My independent self wants to think (believe) I can do it all on my own. I can’t. That is the reality. He is teaching me to surrender. Why?
I have to let go of me, so that I can see HIM.
After I carried my packages up my broken stairs, I wanted to text just one friend, but I could hear the Spirit say, “text your community group?”
All of them?
Yes.
I did.
Almost Immediately the texts came pouring in with offer rides to work, prayer, cars being offered, calls to make sure I was ok.
It’s so easy to focus on what I don’t have. The Lord wants me to focus on what I do have. Community. Sometimes that community looks like you blessing me with your prayers as well as practical gifts even from hundreds of miles away. Sometimes that looks like care in my community right here across the miles I call home.
So does He take away?
Yes.
Does He also give?
Also yes.
Blessed be his name.
So whether in plenty or in want.
I pray that I can say
Blessed be HIS name.
Thank you for journeying with me. For blessing me. For praying.
If you have sat with me for any moment of time, you may know that I LOVE asking questions.
I truly care and I’m genuinely interested.
So when I asked a few co workers what their goals were for the summer, the answers were usual, go to an amusement park, go on a hike, ect.
When the question was posed back to me, I knew my answer right away “I want to clean all my cupboards and deep clean my house.”
I may or may not have said “THE121 is starting to look a little bit hoarded!”
A few very blank stares responded my way.
How can a tiny house look hoarded???
VERY EASILY.
While I have much storage (and for that I am grateful), my organization style is somewhere around shove it in any place that has a door to cram it in the back of my truck.
You can imagine that it’s a lot easier to look like a hoarder in 250 square feet than it may in a traditional house. If you bring things in without taking things out… it can quickly become overwhelming.
With the humidity hanging around 1,000%, I somehow gathered enough strength to clean some of the cupboards today!
BeforeAfterAs someone who lives with a disability my medicine cabinet can get overwhelming VERY quickly. Condensed and organized. Sometimes the toilet has to serve as a shelf when you’re organizing your bathroom. I decided I didn’t need 5,000 bottle of tums! Throwing stuff out feels SO good!!!
Summer isn’t over quite yet and to meet this goal early on is such a good feeling!
Yes, I have to clean and organize THE121 just like typical people in typical houses. The difference? It just doesn’t take quite as long and for that, I am so very grateful!
I led a workshop today on spiritual wellness. Among the many things we talked about was “where do you find your peace?”
I was able to share with participants that I find a lot of peace here among the acres in the beauty of God’s creation. Lately I’ve been going out to potty with Maggie Marie (shameless cute puppy picture below) at night.
Wait. She potties, I don’t. I know I have a composting toilet but that DOES NOT mean I potty outside!
Rewind.
While she is doing her business I wander and observe. I take time to thank my creator God for the so many good gifts He has given me.
Tonight as I perused around THE121 something caught my eye.
What was that tucked behind my angel wing begonias in my window box???
I would like to say I squealed with glee like a little school girl but truthfully I ran back into my house to grab my phone to take a pic!
And then…I sent it to my sister who entered the nest into Google lens.
There you have it.
I’m officially old.
I find joy in birds.
I’ve written it down.
For the world to read.
Although I haven’t bought the books or binoculars yet. So maybe I’m only middle aged????
But I did nearly break my neck to get this picture….
I will let you decide 😉.
I’ll keep you posted…
P.S. I want to know how YOU have identified what bird built this nest!
I’m not quite sure I could ever go back to “city” living. The country runs in my veins. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m an introvert or just enjoy the peace that the country affords.
One aspect of country living is that everyone is a “neighbor.” It doesn’t matter if you live one mile away or five, if you’re in the same zip code, we’re neighbors!
This 4th of July my neighbors and friends invited me to their house for a picnic. It was pure delight to travel just a few miles away to these friends and neighbors who live largely off the land.
For the most part I enjoy trying new things. This 4th, that involved fishing! Their grandson, as my fishing guide, taught me all I needed to know about how to catch.
I rigged up my hook with the freshest worms from Bait Buddies (real place not far from THE121) and cast my line.
And there she is!!! My very first fish.
I caught 3 in all as I sat on the dock, tearing worms in half and rebating my hook.
I took in the beauty of God’s creation, breathing deep and squealing with delight as fish after fish bit my hook.
I can’t do what I use to do due to ongoing health concerns. However I am learning to shift my thinking to “what can I do?”
I can leave the acres, travel to my neighbors and catch some sunnies and blue gill.
As I look out my window, the sun shines through the new greenery filled landscape and I can no longer see my neighbors house.
There’s a slight breeze with birds chirping and more cars than usual driving by.
Spring.
With the change of seasons, THE121 reminds me, she too, needs changed.
As with all houses, maintenance is important. The longer I have lived at Teaberry Acres, the more rhythmic the seasons seem to become.
Every fall and spring THE121 gets “undressed.”
She wears a beautiful handcrafted skirt year round that serves several purposes. Part of her bi-annual maintenance is to take the skirt off, put up or take down the insulation and in the spring spray for bugs under and around.
She also gets a thorough “once over and under.” I open my eyes and notice. Has she changed? Is she ok? What needs attention?
In all actuality, THE121’s rhythm is similar to the rhythm of my life.
With changing seasons, I too change. Usually quarterly, I inventory my life. I take off the blinders by inviting others in. What has changed? What needs to change? What needs attention?
THE121’s batteries needed attention. Turns out batteries get thirsty. She gets a drink to sustain longer life.
This beautiful spring day I put on my muck boots to undress and redress. I breathe deep with a heart of gratitude for the shelter HE has given me. For the spring breeze through the acres as the sun shines down through the trees.
Rhythm.
Taking off the skirt, removing the insulation, putting it under the house until the next rhythm beckons. Her beautiful skirt put back into place ready to receive summer. The dog also gets a bath. She enjoyed rolling under the house, scoping out spiders and basking in the sun-shined breeze.
Listen, I’ve never been great a math. In fact, in full self disclosure, I’m actually terrible at math.
However, I wholeheartedly stand behind the equation that 36 > 44.
Let me explain.
On this day, I typically celebrate my physical birth. Today just happens to mark that day 44 years ago when my mother brought the wonderful, marvelous me into the world. As the youngest, I humbly exclaim, she stopped at perfection!
I however know that I am far less than perfect. Hence, why I celebrate 36. Because I don’t know the exact date, I celebrate the 4th of May as not just my physical birthday but also my spiritual birthday.
When I was 8 years old, I understood fully that I was a sinner in need of a Savior. At my bedside with my family in the room, I confessed my sin and asked Jesus to forgive me and be Lord of my life.
My story has one of many twists and turns over the 44 years God has allowed me to live on this earth. As I have frequent opportunity to recount the story, one constant always remains. Jesus.
Jesus has never once left me. He has never once let me walk away. If I were to tell you the details of my entire story (and ask me to go out to coffee, I’ll gladly share!), you might be just as amazed as me.
Let me just pause to say too, that we all have a story. If you’ve walked away, it’s ok. If you’ve been hurt by Christians or the church, I’m deeply sorry.
Your story matters.
Jesus cares. He cares so much, He went to the cross for you. He went to the cross for me.
36 years ago, I understood that cost. I’ve been learning day by day what relationship with Him is (and isn’t).
I just had to come.
Jesus has changed my life.
He can change yours too. He will meet you where you are. If you’ve walked away, He is waiting for you to return. If you’ve been hurt, tell Him. He feels your pain.
Tiny House Girl 