Category: The Girl

Undressing THE121

As I look out my window, the sun shines through the new greenery filled landscape and I can no longer see my neighbors house.

There’s a slight breeze with birds chirping and more cars than usual driving by.

Spring.

With the change of seasons, THE121 reminds me, she too, needs changed.

As with all houses, maintenance is important. The longer I have lived at Teaberry Acres, the more rhythmic the seasons seem to become.

Every fall and spring THE121 gets “undressed.”

She wears a beautiful handcrafted skirt year round that serves several purposes. Part of her bi-annual maintenance is to take the skirt off, put up or take down the insulation and in the spring spray for bugs under and around.

She also gets a thorough “once over and under.” I open my eyes and notice. Has she changed? Is she ok? What needs attention?

In all actuality, THE121’s rhythm is similar to the rhythm of my life.

With changing seasons, I too change. Usually quarterly, I inventory my life. I take off the blinders by inviting others in. What has changed? What needs to change? What needs attention?

THE121’s batteries needed attention. Turns out batteries get thirsty. She gets a drink to sustain longer life.

This beautiful spring day I put on my muck boots to undress and redress. I breathe deep with a heart of gratitude for the shelter HE has given me. For the spring breeze through the acres as the sun shines down through the trees.

Rhythm.

Taking off the skirt, removing the insulation, putting it under the house until the next rhythm beckons.
Her beautiful skirt put back into place ready to receive summer.
The dog also gets a bath. She enjoyed rolling under the house, scoping out spiders and basking in the sun-shined breeze.
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36 > 44

Listen, I’ve never been great a math. In fact, in full self disclosure, I’m actually terrible at math.

However, I wholeheartedly stand behind the equation that 36 > 44.

Let me explain.

On this day, I typically celebrate my physical birth. Today just happens to mark that day 44 years ago when my mother brought the wonderful, marvelous me into the world. As the youngest, I humbly exclaim, she stopped at perfection!

I however know that I am far less than perfect. Hence, why I celebrate 36. Because I don’t know the exact date, I celebrate the 4th of May as not just my physical birthday but also my spiritual birthday.

When I was 8 years old, I understood fully that I was a sinner in need of a Savior. At my bedside with my family in the room, I confessed my sin and asked Jesus to forgive me and be Lord of my life.

My story has one of many twists and turns over the 44 years God has allowed me to live on this earth. As I have frequent opportunity to recount the story, one constant always remains. Jesus.

Jesus has never once left me. He has never once let me walk away. If I were to tell you the details of my entire story (and ask me to go out to coffee, I’ll gladly share!), you might be just as amazed as me.

Let me just pause to say too, that we all have a story. If you’ve walked away, it’s ok. If you’ve been hurt by Christians or the church, I’m deeply sorry.

Your story matters.

Jesus cares. He cares so much, He went to the cross for you. He went to the cross for me.

36 years ago, I understood that cost. I’ve been learning day by day what relationship with Him is (and isn’t).

I just had to come.

Jesus has changed my life.

He can change yours too. He will meet you where you are. If you’ve walked away, He is waiting for you to return. If you’ve been hurt, tell Him. He feels your pain.

Got questions? Shoot me a message.

So… for me, 36 > 44.

Did I buy flowers for myself to celebrate?

You bet I did!

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Waiting rooms – a health update on the tiny house girl.

This picture has become a staple for me, or should I say those who journey with me. It’s the waiting room. The waiting room with a number that represents me. The number represents where I am at in the process for the one who is waiting.

I’ve been having some pretty intense abdominal pain that “comes and goes” these past several months post my colectomy with an IRA.

You may also know that I began a new job two months ago and have been without health insurance for two long months.

Many nights I have cried and prayed asking God to take away the pain.

He is gracious.

May 1st my health insurance went into affect!

May 2nd I had another endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy in attempts to “see” what might be causing the pain.

The scene is familiar to me.

“Lay on your left side, we will be putting you to sleep soon.”

I begin to pray.

I wake up and ask for apple juice.

Always.

Hospitals have THE BEST apple juice. I can’t explain it but it’s true.

The Dr. comes and explains to me that my stomach is full of bile which I’m not surprised by. The nausea is real.

She then goes on to explain that my IRA (the place where my small intestine is connected to my rectum) looks “very angry.”

She took biopsies. And we wait.

Wait.

Waiting has been the theme of life for the past fourteen years.

Fourteen years. The length of time I have battled my digestive tract malfunctioning.

Wait.

We wait now on the biopsy results and consults with the surgeon.

Waiting =‘s trusting.

Trusting in God’s plan and God’s timing.

Always easy? No.

It’s in the waiting though that I have learned to surrender my will to His.

After fourteen years I am learning that His Will is always better than mine.

I wait. I pray. I trust.

I also struggle.

And then I wait and pray and trust again.

Please join me in the praying for wisdom and discernment for my treatment team and how we move forward.

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Spring at Teaberry Acres

Some days are just sad. Sad is ok.

Have you ever had those days? Where the sad news just doesn’t end?

That’s how today felt for me.

As I drove up the gravel drive of Teaberry Acres my heart welled with both sadness and gratitude. Sadness and Gratitude can co-exist.

My eyes turned upwards as my tires rolled over the gravel and proceeded up the hill. My heart was reminded of the generous provisions the Lord has granted me.

With my sneakers still on, I woke Maggie Marie up from her slumber (yes my cockapoo sleeps alllll day) and we stood outside with the sun beckoning us through the trees to talk and walk.

It’s been a second since I’ve been on the back acres, but nonetheless I felt the trees calling and my Spirit needing some grounding.

I climbed over the first downed tree that had fallen years ago and began to walk. With each crunch of leaves fallen months ago my Spirit settled more and more.

As THE121 began to fade, I paused and recognized so many answered prayers exist at Teaberry Acres.

Remember.

Remembering helps me fix my focus. Remembering also beckons me to dream again. As I stood at the spot where two trees precariously leaned against two others that broke their fall, I imagined what this spot could be. What could it hold for future healing?

Does God always have to break us to heal us?

I don’t think the answer is always yes.

However I do know that brokenness does lead to healing if we allow Him to enter into those hard places.

Sadness and Gratefulness can coexist.

My Spirit is challenged to continue to dig in. To remember.

THE121 @teaberryacres is a place of many answered prayers, one of which includes healing.

And just for smiles…enjoy Maggie Marie’s smile on our hike tonight @teaberryacres.

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What was lost…has been found!!!

If you read my last post, you entered into my great dismay about the loss of half of my coffee maker.

It was maddening. Quite literally.

I spent hours which turned into days turning this Tiny House inside out. I began obsessing about where that one piece could have gone.

I’m quite certain that there wasn’t a corner of THE121 that wasn’t touched.

I was so obsessed, that I am also quite certain that if you had any face to face contact with me, you knew my quest for the missing piece.

My co-worker and I were chatting and she suggested the “usual”

RETRACE YOUR STEPS.

Yep. Done.

Or had I?

And so, I grudgingly trudged home, to once again “retrace my steps.”

I stood in the middle of all 250 square feet of THE121 and prayed. True statement.

And as if, there it was the entire time…lights from heaven came down, the angels started to sing and the Hallelujah chorus was in stereo!

That one piece?

WAS IN THE COFFEE MAKER!!!

Now before you start to judge (which, if I were you, I would be doing right now…) the one piece had somehow become conjoined to the other piece. I still have zero idea how the coffee maker worked with the two pieces joined together, but alas, that’s above my pay grade.

So many lessons learned in this short (but what felt like eternity) quest.

  • Breathe. I have a lot of cortisol.
  • Cortisol disrupts your nervous system (I’m a trauma therapist)
  • Ask a friend for help
  • Don’t quit
  • Sometimes you have to quit so you can start again
  • Things can indeed get lost in tiny houses
  • Jesus never quit looking for me

I love life.

Most days.

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I bet you never…and other tiny house myths.

I was at a workshop today, the kind where you go around the room and do “ice breaker” questions.

One of the many joys of tiny house living is that for a very long time yet to come, I won’t have to think of a “strange fact about myself.”

Turns out living in a tiny house is strange enough.

Out of the many things people say to me when they hear that I live in a tiny house is, “I bet you never lose anything!”

I wish this statement were true.

Oh. How. I wish.

As it turns out, you can still lose things in 250 square feet.

How is that possible?

I have no idea.

But.

It.

Is.

Currently I’m looking for half of my coffee maker.

Half.

I have one of those fancy coffee makers where you can switch out contraptions depending on the amount of coffee you wish to consume.

Thursday night I wished to consume a larger amount.

Friday the desire was less. Therefore, I took out the larger consumption contraption for the more desirable smaller contraption.

And that leads us to today. Where is the larger contraption?

Gone.

THE121 has swallowed it whole.

I have searched EVERYWHERE. All 250 square feet.

I even resorted to looking in the washing machine because I could figure out how to install a dishwasher this past week but turns out I couldn’t figure out that said dishwasher, in-fact , took dishwashing detergent and not soap. THE121 began filling with suds whilst I was on a zoom call (that’s probably another post)…

So maybe, I scooped the larger coffee contraption up in the towels I used to clean up the suds…

It was a hope, but nope. No coffee contraption in the washing machine.

Here I am, perplexed and dismayed at the loss of half of my coffee maker on the eve of the week where my days turn from 8 hour work days to 9 hour work days.

The myth?

Tiny Houses don’t swallow things whole.

The truth?

I’ve lost more than half of coffee makers. Turns out it’s not about the space, it’s about the mental bandwidth of the girl living in the house.

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Some things aren’t meant to last forever.

It was about this same time, on a blustery winter day in 2021 that I drove from Ohio to Pennsylvania to interview for a psychotherapist position. It was less than 24 hours after awaking from anesthesia and I have zero doubt that I bombed the interview.

BUT. GOD.

The man took a chance on this country girl from Ohio and hired her despite her inabilities.

A few months later, I packed my car, along with Maggie Marie and drove off into a very unknown adventure.

May 2021 Maggie & I headed to PA

The past (almost 4) years have held so many ups and downs.

Professionally I have learned so many valuable lessons from the man who took a chance on me. I have grown from the depth of wisdom from co-workers who have become friends. I have been humbled with gratitude from the clients who shared their lives.

About a month ago God asked me to once again step out in faith. As a girl who HATES change, I told him no twice, but after the third ask, I knew I had to listen.

I have officially accepted a new job as a behavioral health advocate for those in recovery transitioning to the career force.

There have many many tears these past few weeks as “goodbyes” and “see you laters” were shared.

As I looked back on the office I called “home” for the past four years I thanked God for all He did in that little office. I entrust those days, those clients and the words that were shared, to Him.

Thank you to my co-workers for the goodbye luncheon today, for allowing me to put a period on the time that we shared.

I have learned that getting out of my comfort zone is harder than I can imagine. However, each and every time I have stepped out in faith, God has always done big things and I am expecting nothing less in this next step He is asking me to take.

Am I scared? 100%!

BUT. GOD.

Where He leads, He is there.

I covet your prayers as I begin the next chapter on March 3rd!

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What are you afraid of?

As a therapist I spend a lot of time talking to clients about their fears. We all have them. Usually one fear uncovers another fear which uncovers another fear which uncovers another fear. In fact, it usually takes approximately 5 times asking the question “and what is under that fear?” until we are able to get to the “root fear.”

Most of us are afraid of our fears and therefore neglect talking about it all together….which…is precisely what keeps us stuck.

A few years ago I read the book, “Do it scared” by Ruth Soukup. Here is the Amazon link if you want to check it out.

I’m guessing you don’t need me to explain the premise.

Do. It. Scared.

I continue to speak these words to myself.

I’m afraid to sign the loan for my house.

Do. It. Scared.

I’m afraid to leave my family.

Do. It. Scared.

I’m afraid to….

Almost anything I have accomplished in my life that has meaning and value, with the power of God, I have done…scared.

Why do we let fear stop us? I would argue, even paralyze us.

I have been reciting to myself a lot lately, “do it scared.”

My pastor used a phrase awhile ago, “on the other side of awkward is awesome.” ~Tim Walker

I would go one step further to say, “on the other side of scared is sanctification.” Which, I have found to be true for me. If you’re not on the sanctification road, perhaps you could say, “on the other side of scared is solace.” Overcoming our fears can often reduce our anxiety.

Today I chose to do it scared. I know and believe that doing what God has asked me to do scared will lead to my further sanctification.

What are you doing scared?

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The night I threw my dishwasher out the front door.

I post a lot about the benefits of living in a tiny house off grid…so how about some good ole country truth telling…

If you live anywhere east of the Mississippi, you may or may not have been VERY cold last week. Remember the post where I wrote that Maggie Marie and I were quite warm in THE121? If not, you can read it Here.

I still would tell you that for the most part, we stay warm.

UNLESS Antarctica invades the Eastern part of North America and the temperatures drop below zero…then I would tell you that I become like Ralphie from The Christmas Story…

What happens to the tiny house when temps drop well below zero?

Check out the story Here from 2023 when my house flooded.

That’s what happens.

The pipes freeze if I’m not diligent to protect the house.

And well. It happened again.

Saturday morning I woke up to no water. Zero. Water.

I spent the day trying to “do what I knew to do.”

And then, I could do no more.

So I phoned every single person I knew could help.

No one answered.

BUT. GOD.

He wanted me to wait. To breathe. To have a little conversation with Him (remember how He does that?!).

And then all of my friends from all over began to call. And come.

Within time, God warmed my pipes and my heart in my surrender. So I was able to rest.

Until I wasn’t.

THE121 has an on demand water heater. And I’m sure you know that means that the heater doesn’t turn on unless there is water running through it.

So you could imagine my internal questioning when I was using the bathroom at 9pm and the hot water heater turned on!

Yep, you guessed it!!! The “last” pipe unfroze and the next thing I knew I was walking through water.

My dishwasher died in the debacle of 2023, however I never got rid of it (full disclosure I have been using it as storage!). Since I never got rid of it, the water hose was still connected and well…spewing water into my house.

So at 9pm, I opened my front door and threw it out.

Picture taken next day. Just so I could remember that this actually did happen.

And that’s how the dishwasher landed in my front yard. Frozen pipes.

Tiny house living isn’t always glamorous. But then again, living life fully isn’t always glamorous either. I want to live life fully and passionately. God gave me THE121 to teach me and heal me. This story serves as a reminder of the beauty of community. Those who show up, those who pray and those who help.

I just might keep the dishwasher in my front yard as a reminder, at-least for a little while longer.

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Silence Interrupted

The snow crunches under my feet…the pines stand still with white dust covering their half there branches.

It’s quiet here in winter and perhaps that’s why winter might be my favorite. The stillness beckons me to rest.

Here at THE121, my bedroom is on the main floor (which by the way was a must for me with all those bathroom trips!) and resembles a cave tucked into the end of the tall ceilings under Maggie Marie’s room. I’ve been told by guests who have stayed in my absence that it’s the best sleep they have ever had.

And so, at night, I rest. I rest hard in the silence of the woods, in my cave bedroom, here in the winter.

Until the silence is interrupted.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

When the batteries that power THE121 run low, the inverter sends out loud beeps to notify me that my powers about to go out unless I do something about it.

Turn on the generator.

At 2am.

This is off grid living. Sometimes I have to give up things to get things.

We all do.

I give up convenience to save on money.

As the silence was interrupted at 2am, I had time to talk to the Lord. And what a picture He gave me.

Most of us live our lives doing our thing without much thought, until our lives are interrupted.

If you’ve been following you know that I’ve had several major surgeries that have quite literally interrupted my life. And yet…it has been in those interruptions that some of my deepest soul work has been done.

The Lord is doing a deep work in my heart and I am choosing today to be thankful for the interruptions which force me to the hard.

The sun sets on Teabbery Acres
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