Category: Uncategorized

Please park…

WARNING: ‼️

GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW

I received and email recently that sent my anxiety way higher than it should have.

The email went something like this..

“If you are able please park in the overflow parking to allow room for our guests.”

The email truly could not have been any nicer. The problem in my mind was two fold:

1.) the overflow parking is a couple blocks away

2.) the words “if you are able”

How exactly does one decide if they are able?

This was the conundrum in my brain.

At this very moment. I may be. However, in a few moments, I may not be.

And this my friends, is what my new disability has caused.

If you’re being 100% honest with yourself, have you ever seen someone park in a handicap spot, get out and seemingly look completely….fine?

I have.

I have judged.

100%

Hence my conundrum.

What if…I’m not able?

What if…my bag explodes and I need to make a quick escape?

What if…I get sick and can’t walk to my vehicle?

What if….

What if…I appear able but I’m really not?

I made the decision.

The anxiety wasn’t worth the walk. I am not able.

I wanted to be able. But this is not my reality.

Disability doesn’t always equal visibility.

Exhibit A

My apologies if this picture is disgusting. This is the shirt I was wearing under my sweater to the event I was serving at…with the email.

About half way through said event, I began to be sick. I’ll spare you the details, however I did indeed need to make the quick exit due to unforeseen circumstances.

I prayed and prayed the entire drive home, with the windows down as I was heaving and trying to be safe.

I don’t have the ability to vomit and we all know I don’t have a colon. So what happens?

Exhibit A happens.

Did anyone notice 💩 flying out of my abdomen at the event?

I have no idea.

What do I know?

If I can, in whatever way I can, help just one person reframe what ability is and isn’t. I’m here for it.

I use to be that person. The one who use to judge. God forgive me.

If you’ve journeyed with me, you know He is in the business of growing me.

May we all remember disability doesn’t necessarily mean visibility.

Invisible disabilities DO exist.

Some days mine gets the better of me. Praise God, He is sanctifying me.

I also thank God for my cute cockapoo who stays by my side through all my sicknesses.

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BUT. GOD. – What’s next for the tiny house girl?

I’m currently laying in the sun watching the trees sway in the breeze as pine needles drift to the gravel ground on teaberry acres.

Having just returned home from a funeral of a life well lived, I contemplate my own life and what’s next for me.

Some time ago, I began experiencing a “new pain.” Pain is no stranger to me, however “new pain” is always alarming. After many back and forth phone calls with my surgeon and more tests, it has been discovered that the site where my small intestine was connected to my rectum following my colectomy is not doing well.

I went through the normal “try this and try that” without success. As my surgeon entered the room, I looked up with my furrowed brow and racing heart to hear her ask “so what do you want to do?”

My flesh made the decision long before my spirit. My flesh made the “easier decision” to attempt a “re-do” of the connection site. However, when I left her office, I had zero peace.

I drove the back roads to my office fighting the racing thoughts and fears with every single turn.

With a phone call to a friend, my spirit broke. Tears streamed down my face as I spoke the words “ I don’t want another surgery.” She asked the important question, “what does God want you to do?”

In my flesh I wanted the easy way out. BUT. GOD.

With another phone call to my friend who is oh so good with the logistical side of life, I explored my options as I recapped the journey of the last 14 years of a body that isn’t meant for this world.

I hung up the phone, without any more peace and attempted to go to bed. Yet, my body tossed and turned as my flesh fought with The Spirit. You see, the third option the surgeon presented, was an ileostomy.

At 1:30 in the morning, I surrendered my will to His. It has taken me over a month to write this post and to say these words. Because in my flesh I am terrified and fearful. An ileostomy is a very life changing surgery. One that will take quite some time to adjust.

BUT. GOD.

In my Spirit, there is peace. There is peace in surrender. Not my will but His. I imagine Jesus in the garden. His anxiety so high, He sweated blood. And yet he spoke the words “not my will but yours.”

In a month I’ll have my digestive system once again re-routed in hopes of bypassing the “troubled” areas.

Am I terrified? 100%

Do I have peace? 100%

I believe fear and peace can co-exist as we live in our earthly bodies while also allowing the Holy Spirit to fill us.

I covet your prayers as I prepare for the journey ahead. If you would like to help practically, I’ve created a wishlist for some items that would be helpful as I again navigate another new way of life.

You can click Here to view my Amazon wish list.

Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. Life in the flesh is hard and challenging some days. BUT. GOD. He is kind and compassionate. He cares. He knows. He loves.

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With Gratitude

Why is Thanksgiving just so enjoyable?

If we take away the food, the family, football and my personal favorite, the dog show, I would argue if our hearts are full of gratitude the peace will still be there.

As a therapist I know that the antidote to anxiety is gratitude. I didn’t learn this lesson as a therapist, I practice this discipline myself and have long before I became a therapist.

I keep a gratitude journal on my headboard and each night I write down gratitudes.

As a therapist I have witnessed time after time mental shifts when people turn from worry and fear towards gratitude.

And so, while I LOVE Christmas, a part of me is a bit sad today. Why? Because I know Christmas brings a lot of stress and anxiety to people’s lives.

So what if…this Christmas season we keep with the practice of Gratitude?

It is with great Gratitude that I was able to have not one, but two Thanksgivings (and a 3rd tomorrow!). Spiritual family is the very best kind. My heart is full and I pray it will continue to be as I keep my heart and mind focused on The Father who gives good gifts even when life is hard and even when sometimes it may be hard to see.

He is always working, even in the hard.

So with Gratitude…

Fun fact, this was my first Thanksgiving meal in Lord knows how long, I ate and did not get sick! Thank you Lord!!!
At each house I asked for alll the desserts!!!

Thank you to the Werzinski’s and Elliot’s for your amazing hospitality!!!

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Tiny Living Myths (according to me)

I really should have started keeping a question book about all the questions I’ve gotten over the past few years… so I wanted to step away from all the health updates to debunk some tiny house living myths and maybe answer some questions you have had (even if you know…just in your head 😉

1.) I have to get rid of Alll of my stuff!

This myth just isn’t true. Might you have to get rid of some things? Sure. But truth be told, I got rid of very little when moving to THE121. Of course you’ll have to decipher between WANTS vs. NEEDS but I’ve found there’s also room for the things I want!

2.) I won’t be able to have friends over.

Also a myth. Fun fact.. at one time I had 22 friends inside THE121 at once! I can neither confirm nor deny that some may have been standing in the shower…).

THE121 can sleep 6 and I can fit 7 around my table and honestly as an introvert, 7 people is about my max! 😂

Friends around the table!

3.) I’ll have to give up my hobbies.

Fun fact, this tiny house girl has a side gig. It was very important to me to be able to keep said side gig. So my amazing builder designed my house to accommodate! I have room to sew, make t-shirts and truly do everything I want!

Embroidered blankets I made for an event
Maggie helping do a little cricut action.

4.) I won’t have enough storage

Would you believe me if I said I think I have too much space?? I’ve said it before. In fact, Maggie Marie has her own room! I have TWO closets in my bedroom, an entire storage loft, storage under my stairs (customized to fit my sewing machines), storage under my couch, kitchen cabinets, storage under my kitchen sink AND a broom closet! In the bathroom, I have storage under the sink, a medicine cabinet and a secondary storage closet.

My mother up in the storage loft.

5.) I won’t be able to take showers everyday and/or I won’t have modern luxuries.

Yes I’ve heard this one! While I do conserve water, I have lived in THE121 for 2 years and I have NEVER ran out of water! God has always provided. Not only do I shower frequently, I also have HOT showers!

I would also tell you that I have all the modern luxuries that those who don’t live tiny have. I have internet, TV, a washer and dryer, and I use to have a dishwasher (RIP to the dishwasher…).

So those are just a few. Sure, I’ll offer the disclaimer that I’m just one person, but life can adjust however you want it to (or not).

Got more questions? Shoot them my way! As you can tell, I’m pretty passionate about tiny living!

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24 Days…

I sat at my desk today scheduling clients as usual and it really started to hit me…24 days… while it may seem so far away for some, to me, it appears like a blip on the radar.

I’ve lost count by this time of what # surgery this is, in the grand scheme, it doesn’t really matter.

What does matter? That I seek the face of my Father, that I shelter under his wing (Ps. 91:4). He and He alone is my safe place. To refuge in anyone else or anything else would (and has) led to disappointment.

So I’m trying to do things different this time around.

First and foremost, I’m trying to rest BEFORE surgery. I’m not completing the 1 million projects I need want to do. I’m trying to be kind to my body even though my brain screams…

DO ALL THE THINGS!!!

I’m taking more deep breaths and savoring more moments.

Secondly, I’m asking for help. (Shocking, I know!)

This is where you come in…

Here are several ways you can help

  • Pray (seriously this is number 1!). I’ll post more specifically as things progress but for now will you pray that I will continue to surrender my will at His feet?
  • As of now I could be in the hospital up to a week. I hate hospitals and can spiral quickly while I’m there! So I’m asking if you can to record a short video of your favorite encouraging verse that I can watch when I’m there (shoot me a message for my email or phone #), I’m going to make a compilation video!
  • I’ve created an Amazon wish list. These are NOT things I need but (as I have learned) can help make recovery a little bit more comfortable. So if you’re compelled, I’ve attached my Amazon wish list Here.

Thank you for joining me on the journey!

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Did someone say….

Did someone say National Dog Day??

I don’t know if that’s true or if it isn’t but I’m pretty sure I never need an excuse to celebrate the one and only…

Maggie Marie!

Born on October 4, 2016 in Holmes County Ohio.

My first time meeting Maggie 💛
Bringing Maggie home. She was sooo little!
Go ahead and judge. She loves wearing clothes! (Sometimes…)

But mostly…she just loves sleeping. Enjoy the phases of a lazy Sunday afternoon with Maggie Marie..

Phase 1
Phase 2
Phase 3
And…phase 4!

I’m so grateful God made animals! Maggie Marie brings so much joy to my life!

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It was and then it wasn’t.

A few weeks ago I pulled onto teaberry acres after Bible Study and proceeded with my normal routine of starting my generator before calling it a night.

I picked my head up and my eyes caught this beautiful sight

I paused in the moment as the quiet oasis took my breath away for a brief time. I stood still with the Father and thanked Him for this gift he allows me to call home.

This part of the acres has been such a gift to me. The place where I sit and chat with God. The place where I can be still and ponder the crazy that is sometimes called life.

And then.

This past week I pulled onto teaberry acres after Bible Study just like the weeks before. I did my similar nighttime routine of starting the generator before bed and something seemed off. I went to bed and called it a night.

And then came the morning. Everything is clearer in the morning right?

My beautiful oasis. Devastated by two fallen trees. The tree caught the line my lights were hung on and took it down with it.

So bummed.

But then the Father whispered to my heart You can’t refuge here.

And I knew He was right.

My refuge can’t be in THE121 nor at TeaberryAcres. My refuge has to be in God and God alone.

So whether my house stands or not. Whether my trees stand or not.

I will refuge in Him And Him alone.

Now time to get out the chainsaw!

p.s. wasn’t that kind of God to drop the tree on my fire pit?!

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