Tag: #beingstill

Quiet Dreams

I can remember as a young child pondering in my mind if God created me to be a nun.

I’m not Catholic but I’ve always admired the life of nuns and monks (I’m not Buddhist either).

I’ve always been drawn to the slower life.

In my profession I see the extreme hurt so many carry. The scars of the world are real and deep. It is a privilege and honor to bear witness to those scars and to help others on their journey of healing.

The work can feel heavy.

And so, perhaps, my dream of starting a solitude retreat feels more needed with each passing day.

I am dreaming and longing of land, next to nothing but God’s country. Dreaming of a few yurts and THE121 where you can simply come.

In silence or in longing.

To talk or not.

Several times in my life, I have had the immense privilege of attending solitude retreats at a local convent. Each time, my visits have been truly impactful towards my walk.

I imagine a day where I could give that gift back to others. To those who are hurting, weary, tired and worn out.

To those who have been carrying more weight than one is meant to bare.

I can imagine a greeting of tea and a warm bed. Perhaps even a crazy cockapoo who may or may not be sleeping.

These are the longings of a tiny house girl who dreams of living an even simpler life and maybe…perhaps, inviting you into that life, even if it’s only for a moment or two.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

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The Good & The Bad

Thanks for journeying with me. What a journey 2026 has been so far!

If you’ve been journeying with me, you know that in the middle of January I had a pipe burst and have been without water ever since.

In my last post I wrote about how each day I’ve been without water, the Lord showed me that HE had indeed, provided water. I just needed to go outside and scoop it up.

Which leads to this weekend…

The Bad News:

Another leak.

The Good News:

Friends who showed up. Friends who sacrificed several hours of their weekend to help this tiny house girl with a super basic need: water. They were able to repair the initial break and patch the secondary

DRUM ROLL PLEASE….

This amazingly glorious liquid poured forth from my faucet yesterday! Which also means the melting snow IS filling my tank!

I may or may not have sent a video to a select few of me singing the Hallelujah Chorus…!

If you’ve spent any time here or with me, you know I’m passionate about one word “REMEMBER.”

In Exodus, God said to Moses & Aaron

“Get a jar and fill it with two quarts of manna. Then put it in a sacred place before the Lord to preserve it for all future generations.””
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭16‬:‭33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

While we clearly don’t live under the law, there are so many Old Testament principles that serve as beautiful Reminders.

And so…

This morning I found a jar and poured in the remaining melted snow I had reserved and marked the top

Manna 2026

I set the jar in a place reserved for the things I need to Remember

When you come to visit THE121, you can ask,

“What’s with the jar of water?”

And I will say

“It’s the manna God provided.”

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Manna for today

If you’ve listened to K-Love radio lately, you’ve heard Annie F. Downs quote her pastor, “God hasn’t forgotten the recipe for Manna.”

I’ve been pondering that a lot lately as I just finished reading Exodus.

Shortly after reading about God providing manna for the Israelites, I sat on my couch and was complaining to God.

“God please give me water.”

“God, did you bring me to tiny house living to allow me to fail?”

I was in full complaint mode.

And then…

I lifted my head and looked out onto Teaberry Acres…

“I’ve given you 2 acres of manna….”

Sure enough. 2 acres of all the water I could need.

And so each morning, I collect enough for the day.

I thank God for the VERY TANGIBLE reminder that HE has given me what I need for today.

I believe fully that when the “manna” melts, the rain will begin.

Today Manna also showed up in the form of friends coming to replace the pipes…more on that in another post.

Today we focus on the manna.

He had given us what we need, for today.

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But…

Have you ever heard that if you speak a sentence and then add the word “But,” it negates everything that comes before the word?

I would let you know this has been my week…

Wednesday I woke up to frozen pipes…

BUT GOD.

Thursday I took another trip to Danville as my GI tract continues to struggle…

BUT GOD.

This morning, I woke up to no power and a frozen generator

BUT GOD.

I could be tempted to despair. I am tempted to complain.

BUT GOD!

Each and every day, He has allowed my nervous system to reset to the point where I could sit with Him and ask him two questions

1.) What do you want me to do about this?

2.) What do you want me to KNOW about you in this?

I am so tempted so often to panic and think that it all depends on me.

God wants me to know that it all depends on HIM!

Each time something has gone awry at THE121 this week, God has told me what to do and He has revealed himself as El Ro’i – The God who sees.

While it may sometimes feel like I am all alone at THE121 at Teaberry Acres. God has used this house and this land to teach me that I am not. That HE IS HERE.

So I do not fear the impending storm. I do not fear the cold.

Because God is in control and so much more powerful.

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37 Days

Without hot water.

Yes, you read that right.

Living tiny isn’t always luxurious. Most of us don’t go tiny to live a cushy life. Although, I would advocate that my chores are far less than the average house size.

That’s a post for another day.

My supervisor laughingly told me that she wouldn’t be seen without a hot shower, to which I responded, working from home has its perks! (Insert, no sniff feature on zoom!)

Also, living tiny has taught me how to conserve water, so fast showers have been my norm.

I just didn’t realize that EXTRA FAST would be my new norm for 37 days.

How does one lose hot water when they live tiny?

Great question.

THE121 has a tankless water heater run by propane. There are just a few settings to adjust depending on outside temperature (i.e. summer/winter or somewhere in between).

I can also adjust the flow of the water. Somewhere… in some class, I am sure that there was some sort of lesson about flow rate to heat rate…

Nonetheless the flow rate was too much to keep up with the heart rate and cold winters equals …equally as cold water.

To be honest, starting a new job, navigating my new body and the holidays…I hate to say it but the hot water wasn’t a priority!

Once things calmed down (and to the urging of my supervisor), I did decide it was time to phone a friend. I also thought (there has to be something I am missing!). I sat on the couch and prayed.

What am I missing Lord?

FLOW RATE!

With one turn of the knob…the hot water was back.

Yep. That’s all it took.

Really what mattered was that I quieted my heart and the Father told me what to do next.

How often I let the noise crowd out the one voice that matters most.

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Decompress December

A week ago I was talking to a friend who declared December to be “Declutter December.” I so loved that for her!

Her declaration got me thinking, “What do I want December to be for me?” If you read my last post, you know that 2025 has been HARD. As I laid on my couch talking to the Lord, He gave it to me, Decompress December.

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time listening to sacred stories. All of our stories are sacred because the Father is writing them.

Some of our stories hold sorrows. Sorrows and pain get stored in our bodies. As a trauma informed therapist, I have become even more aware of how God created our bodies so miraculously.

You may have heard the phrase, “I’ve been triggered” before. I prefer the word “activated.” Why? Because when you feel “triggered,” your body is actually responding the exact way that God designed it to react. Your amygdala is being “activated” to keep you safe.

Again, why? Your body remembers that at some point in your life, that feeling, that sound, that smell…wasn’t…safe.

I’ll stop there. I could PREACH (or geek) on this for a while.

So when my friend made her declaration, I also knew that I needed to make mine.

My body has held the weight for awhile. It has been remembering the hard.

God has been asking me to decompress.

Do the things that bring you joy tiny house girl.

Release the stress and decompress.

December is hard enough with ALLLLL the things. Why do we need to make it any harder for ourselves?

What brings you joy?

What do you need to let go of in order to decompress?

Release the stress and decompress.

You. Are. Worth. It.

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A liturgy of goodbye

Tonight I had the immense privilege of practicing the liturgy of goodbye.

11 months ago, I signed up to be part of a cohort of men and women from across the country to practice the art of healing.

I had no idea 11 months ago that these men and women would become like family to me.

Each Monday night we would gather in our virtual living room and hold space for each others stories.

In 11 months they have watched me resign from a job, start a new job, wrestle through the changes of my body, agree to another life altering surgery, wrestle through relationships, resign from a job and step in faith into another job.

I have found healing, held space for others and helped them heal in the process.

I sit in awe and amazement at what 11 months, 7 people and space can do for a persons heart.

So what does the liturgy of goodbye entail?

3 questions:

1.) Where have I seen you change?

2.) What do I long for you?

3.) How you and your story have changed me.

So simple and yet so profound. Most of us don’t do goodbyes well. If we are honest, we create rupture so the goodbye doesn’t hurt as bad (proverbially).

Tonight changed that for me. We can do goodbyes differently. What if, instead of cursing, we do blessing?

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A whirlwind leads to change…

Mel Robbin’s is famous for her Let them Theory. Her famous quote, “Let them show you who they really are and then YOU can choose what you do next.”

I listened to this audio book in just a few days. Such a simple quote with such profound and deep impact.

You may remember a post about a certain employer not playing nice. This came just after I finished Mel’s book.

I knew I had a choice to make.

Sometimes the choice is no choice and other times, the choice is to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

In my case it meant…hang on tight, here we go!!!

After 2 months of praying, waiting and listening, last week I had a series of interviews that led to a job offer this past Friday.

God opened one door after another and in two weeks, I will begin a new adventure as a therapist with an intensive outpatient organization working completely remote.

God and I have been having conversations about my concerns returning to work. I believe this new opportunity is His compassion on me.

Please join me in prayer for smooth transitions, as well as opportunities to share the light and hope of change.

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This I know

I can’t say that life has magically gotten better. That’s just not true. Most days are like ground hog day.

I don’t hate the days.

I don’t hate much of anything.

If I hate anything, I hate mental illness and diseases that plague so many of us.

I have heard from several of you after my last post. If I look at the stats, I would say mental illness hits most of us, if not personally, than perhaps relationally.

What does mental illness look like when you live alone?

It looks like, for me, doing what I know.

I know spending time tucked up with my Jesus is helpful. Even if, cognitively, I can’t go as deep as I normally would. I do it.

Why?

Because the word is alive and active.

I’ve been spending each morning with one verse of my favorite Psalm.

He is my safety. The Holy Spirit dwells in me. I know He is present at THE121.

He and He alone is my safe place.

I sleep.

Some days I can sleep more than others and that’s ok.

I advocate when I have the strength.

Just today, I advocated for more liquid supplements. The Dr wanted me to take over the counter. However, when I’m on short term disability, money is still tight. She heard me and sent a prescription. Thank God for insurance and empathetic doctors.

Physically, I feel better than ever with next to no pain (my pacemaker stitch is being a little spesh).

So I do each day, what I KNOW to do.

I’m so thankful for my tiny house tucked up on the woods that allows me peace and solitude to heal.

Heal physically.

Heal mentally.

Heal emotionally.

Healing takes time. It takes work. It takes each other.

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You can’t explain it…

I’m currently sitting in my favorite spot, my window seat at THE121. The sun is shining through the golden leaves of my towering oak while the sound of pine needles rain down on the gravel drive.

I hear Maggie Marie snarling at a pesky squirrel jumping on broken branches.

The end of the week hits different when my only job is to rest and heal. I sit and reflect on the week as though it were a thousand days. I try to savor the time and the moments because I know it will come to an end.

This week has held so many “God moments.”

Two stand out.

There has been no movement on the unnamed employer. I trust and ask God to provide. Typically I go to the mail far less often than the normal person, it’s just not exciting. However this week, I was led to the mailbox and inside was a very generous check. I stood and just thanked the Lord for his provisions.

ONLY. GOD.

The second may not seem like much, however God works in mysterious ways. Shortly after moving into THE121, I had a water break and I lost my entire water supply. Along with the water supply, I lost my water gauge that tells me how much water is in my supply tank.

For 3 years, I have lived on faith that there was enough water in my tank to supply my daily needs. For 3 years, I have never run out of supply!

This past week as much needed rain began to fall on teaberry acres, I noticed a strange movement in the broken gauge. I peered at the gauge briefly and the movement continued.

After 3 years, the gauge has “miraculously” started working again!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the book next to my gauge is “Experiencing the Presence of God.”

God’s presence is clearly here at THE121.

When I feel weary, exhausted, confused or questioning, I simply have to stop. To stop and remember.

God is still in the business of the miraculous. He is still in the business of sanctification and faith stretching.

I pray daily that I would have:

Eyes to see

Hands to receive

And a heart to believe

I believe He is answering that prayer.

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