Tag: #mentalhealth

Some things aren’t meant to last forever.

It was about this same time, on a blustery winter day in 2021 that I drove from Ohio to Pennsylvania to interview for a psychotherapist position. It was less than 24 hours after awaking from anesthesia and I have zero doubt that I bombed the interview.

BUT. GOD.

The man took a chance on this country girl from Ohio and hired her despite her inabilities.

A few months later, I packed my car, along with Maggie Marie and drove off into a very unknown adventure.

May 2021 Maggie & I headed to PA

The past (almost 4) years have held so many ups and downs.

Professionally I have learned so many valuable lessons from the man who took a chance on me. I have grown from the depth of wisdom from co-workers who have become friends. I have been humbled with gratitude from the clients who shared their lives.

About a month ago God asked me to once again step out in faith. As a girl who HATES change, I told him no twice, but after the third ask, I knew I had to listen.

I have officially accepted a new job as a behavioral health advocate for those in recovery transitioning to the career force.

There have many many tears these past few weeks as “goodbyes” and “see you laters” were shared.

As I looked back on the office I called “home” for the past four years I thanked God for all He did in that little office. I entrust those days, those clients and the words that were shared, to Him.

Thank you to my co-workers for the goodbye luncheon today, for allowing me to put a period on the time that we shared.

I have learned that getting out of my comfort zone is harder than I can imagine. However, each and every time I have stepped out in faith, God has always done big things and I am expecting nothing less in this next step He is asking me to take.

Am I scared? 100%!

BUT. GOD.

Where He leads, He is there.

I covet your prayers as I begin the next chapter on March 3rd!

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What are you afraid of?

As a therapist I spend a lot of time talking to clients about their fears. We all have them. Usually one fear uncovers another fear which uncovers another fear which uncovers another fear. In fact, it usually takes approximately 5 times asking the question “and what is under that fear?” until we are able to get to the “root fear.”

Most of us are afraid of our fears and therefore neglect talking about it all together….which…is precisely what keeps us stuck.

A few years ago I read the book, “Do it scared” by Ruth Soukup. Here is the Amazon link if you want to check it out.

I’m guessing you don’t need me to explain the premise.

Do. It. Scared.

I continue to speak these words to myself.

I’m afraid to sign the loan for my house.

Do. It. Scared.

I’m afraid to leave my family.

Do. It. Scared.

I’m afraid to….

Almost anything I have accomplished in my life that has meaning and value, with the power of God, I have done…scared.

Why do we let fear stop us? I would argue, even paralyze us.

I have been reciting to myself a lot lately, “do it scared.”

My pastor used a phrase awhile ago, “on the other side of awkward is awesome.” ~Tim Walker

I would go one step further to say, “on the other side of scared is sanctification.” Which, I have found to be true for me. If you’re not on the sanctification road, perhaps you could say, “on the other side of scared is solace.” Overcoming our fears can often reduce our anxiety.

Today I chose to do it scared. I know and believe that doing what God has asked me to do scared will lead to my further sanctification.

What are you doing scared?

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Silence Interrupted

The snow crunches under my feet…the pines stand still with white dust covering their half there branches.

It’s quiet here in winter and perhaps that’s why winter might be my favorite. The stillness beckons me to rest.

Here at THE121, my bedroom is on the main floor (which by the way was a must for me with all those bathroom trips!) and resembles a cave tucked into the end of the tall ceilings under Maggie Marie’s room. I’ve been told by guests who have stayed in my absence that it’s the best sleep they have ever had.

And so, at night, I rest. I rest hard in the silence of the woods, in my cave bedroom, here in the winter.

Until the silence is interrupted.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

When the batteries that power THE121 run low, the inverter sends out loud beeps to notify me that my powers about to go out unless I do something about it.

Turn on the generator.

At 2am.

This is off grid living. Sometimes I have to give up things to get things.

We all do.

I give up convenience to save on money.

As the silence was interrupted at 2am, I had time to talk to the Lord. And what a picture He gave me.

Most of us live our lives doing our thing without much thought, until our lives are interrupted.

If you’ve been following you know that I’ve had several major surgeries that have quite literally interrupted my life. And yet…it has been in those interruptions that some of my deepest soul work has been done.

The Lord is doing a deep work in my heart and I am choosing today to be thankful for the interruptions which force me to the hard.

The sun sets on Teabbery Acres
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With Gratitude

Why is Thanksgiving just so enjoyable?

If we take away the food, the family, football and my personal favorite, the dog show, I would argue if our hearts are full of gratitude the peace will still be there.

As a therapist I know that the antidote to anxiety is gratitude. I didn’t learn this lesson as a therapist, I practice this discipline myself and have long before I became a therapist.

I keep a gratitude journal on my headboard and each night I write down gratitudes.

As a therapist I have witnessed time after time mental shifts when people turn from worry and fear towards gratitude.

And so, while I LOVE Christmas, a part of me is a bit sad today. Why? Because I know Christmas brings a lot of stress and anxiety to people’s lives.

So what if…this Christmas season we keep with the practice of Gratitude?

It is with great Gratitude that I was able to have not one, but two Thanksgivings (and a 3rd tomorrow!). Spiritual family is the very best kind. My heart is full and I pray it will continue to be as I keep my heart and mind focused on The Father who gives good gifts even when life is hard and even when sometimes it may be hard to see.

He is always working, even in the hard.

So with Gratitude…

Fun fact, this was my first Thanksgiving meal in Lord knows how long, I ate and did not get sick! Thank you Lord!!!
At each house I asked for alll the desserts!!!

Thank you to the Werzinski’s and Elliot’s for your amazing hospitality!!!

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Riding the Ride…one day at a time.

In therapy sometimes, I remind clients that our mental health can sometimes feel like a roller coaster. Sometimes you feel like your gliding forward enjoying the ride and then suddenly you feel yourself dangling upside down looking at the sky and feeling a little dizzy. However, it’s those upside down loops that propel you forward on the ride!

And this, my friends, is how I am feeling! Some days have been ok and then there’s nights like this past Monday where I found myself back in the emergency room in extreme pain.

Self-talk is real and cognitive reframing works. Turns out I developed an ileus, whether from scar tissue or my digestive system still learning how to work, either way I’m so grateful for modern medicine! I’m also super grateful for my friend who sacrificed her entire nights sleep to sit with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

So while it can feel discouraging, I can also choose to be grateful for my amazing friends who show up over and over again (even when I’m not that kind), who offer grace and sacrifice so many hours to help me figure out how to navigate my new way of life.

We were never created to live alone. So while I may feel a little twisted and hanging upside down from time to time. I am confident that I am being propelled forward into a new, healthier version of myself.

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Out of Office…

The emotions hit me in waves today as I transferred my last client over to our outpatient team.

As I said “see you later to so many awesome co-workers” and changed my voicemail to say “don’t leave a message, I won’t be back until 2025.”

I tidied up my office and flipped my door indicator to “out of office.”

While I don’t know what the future holds, I know the one who holds the future and I don’t say that lightly or contritely.

As one who has endured quite a bit of medical trauma, I can be tempted to fear (and I have). In fact, I sat before the Lord Tuesday night and listed them out, one by one. As I listed them out, I asked Him to speak His truth over them. Thinking He would give me a verse for each one, instead He gave me one verse that covers them all:

He reminded me, He will supply all of my needs. If I need it, He will supply it. End of story.

And just because of His great love, He’s even supplied some of my wants! I’m incredibly humbled by the outpouring of gifts to help make recovery just a little bit more comfortable. So thank you. Thank you for journeying with me.

When the Lord grants me breaks from the bathroom this weekend, I’ll post how you can pray.

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A sit in the silence

I have some big things coming up. One of them has the possibility to be very unknown, so I’ve been asking some questions that come with those big unknowns.

A friend asked me a question…

“Why are you afraid to sit still?”

And so… I sat still.

Kind of.

First I had to get my space ready….so I was…you know…comfortable.

Because honestly who enjoys sitting in discomfort?

One of my favorite places at teaberry acres is in my hammock chair around the fire pit.

So I built the fire and I sat.

There’s only one being that I know who has all the answers and so I sat and I asked…

“God, why do I have a hard time sitting still?”

And I waited…

He led me to

Luke 9:35

He told me, I’m just like Peter.

Jesus had chosen Peter to be in his inner circle that day… Peter was invited to come. To come to a moment no one else except he, James and John would witness.

Peter went, but the dude fell asleep (Lord knows there no judgement because this girl loves her sleep too!).

And then…they startle awake to see two dudes who have long since died.

Peters reaction?

“Let’s get to work!”

Why he felt it necessary to build shelters? I have no idea. But in that moment he had a choice. He could busy himself or BE with the ONE and be in THE MOMENT that never would be again…he wanted to work.

And then God intervenes…

LISTEN to my son. HE is THE one.

And so my answer to the question?

I’ve listened to far too many other voices my entire life.

Voices that say “do and you will be…”

I have valued other voices above THE ONE voice.

I have learned that DOING =‘s value (that’s another blog post) and so God is in his gracious loving care for me, to prepare me for what’s next…is teaching me now…to sit in the silence…and listen.

There is great value in being.

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